Tomorrow will be the 5th time I have received chemotherapy this year. I received chemo 12 times last year and 6 times in 2015. You may think I am used to receiving chemo and would not be anxious at this point. What you may not know is I had an allergic reaction to Taxol the first time I received any chemo, in 2015. We caught it early. They had told me to tell them immediately if I felt anything weird or strange. So I did. I felt a hot flash, hip pain, back pain and trouble breathing all at the same time. My BP went sky high. Many people came quickly to help which was reassuring. It really shook me up! I later was told someone else had the same reaction I had earlier in the week and ended up going to ICU. (Remember, I am a Critical Care nurse so I know the weight of that statement too well.) We waited an hour. The pharmacist came and explained I was actually allergic to the plant based medium the Taxol was mixed in. I was in tears but insisted on trying again. I wanted to fight this cancer. We tried it again and I was fine. I still am uneasy each time. I still want to fight my sneaky cancer. I pretend I am not afraid.. That is my truth.